Secrets
by NevaRowley
Summary: Miroku's true feelings for his friend only causes him more pain. A rare occasion where I depict Sesshomaru in such a dark light.


Chapter One

_Secrets_

I sat in the darkness. Inuyasha was asleep beside me. I turned to watch his gentle

breathing. His long eyelashes fluttered as his golden eyes moved beneath their lids in a dream.

I wonder if he's dreaming of me. I thought moving closer to him. I breathed in his scent. His left eye twitched as I leaned up and kissed his cheek. One day, Inuyasha, I will tell you my love for you, then we shall be together for all time. After we have killed Naraku side by side my kisses shall never go unnoticed in the safety of darkness. Everyone will witness our pure love. I promised in silence and allowed sleep to take me over.

Chapter Two

_Hiding_

"Get up! I swear you humans could sleep until the end of time!" the voice of my love shattered through my solid sleep. I opened my eyes. My vision was blurred, but I could still make out his shape. I rubbed my eyes to get a better look at him. " So are you going to sit there all day staring at me or are you going to get your ass up?" he demanded grabbing the neck of robes and pulling me up. He was wearing only a small towel. I let my eyes wander up his strong calves and muscular thighs. My eyes flew quickly over the towel to his tight stomach and even farther to his perfect chest. I did not dare to look to his eyes.

"I will take the latter, Inuyasha." I said calmly. I brushed my hair with my fingers and tied it back.

" Inuyasha, Miroku! We've got work to do!" Kagome's pretty voice came through the door.

"Miroku, who?" I asked. Inuyasha gave me a rare smile he usually saved for Kagome. We walked out into the sunshine.

"Are my clothes clean, Kagome?" Inuyasha asked her in a soft voice. Everyone thought he loved her, but I knew better. It was a cover up just as was my "perversion". Inuyasha was always the one I loved. Women were always fun to kiss and touch, but none of them ever left any kind of an impression on my mind. Inuyasha, however, left more than just an impression on not only my mind, but also on my heart. His beauty was like no other person in existence. As much as my body yearned for him. I never made anymore of a move than a kiss on his cheek and that was only when he was asleep.

"Yes, Inuyasha." Kagome answered and walked him to the spring. Sango and Kirara walked from the side of the hut. And yet again, I begin the charade. I thought and approached her. I put a fake look of lust on my face.

"Get away from me, lecher!" she yelled raising her hand to slap me.

"Oh, Sango, you look cold, shall I warm you?" asked slipping my hand up her thigh. She swung hard and I walked away pretending to be disappointed. I wasn't paying attention as I turned the corner around the hut. I heard a splash and realized I might have just walked upon the young Kagome as she bathed, but as I peeked around a tree to check I instead found a very naked Inuyasha emerging from the water. I wanted to leave before he saw me, but his beauty compelled me to remain where I was. He shook his head and his hair flew up leaving his most sacred parts unprotected for my eyes. I stayed and watched him bathe until he got out and began getting dressed. I quickly ran back around to the front to find Sango half naked. Perfect. I thought and stood close behind her. I reached around to her front and lightly tapped her right breast. She quickly swung her foot back and landed right in my most tender spot.

"Oh, the price of love." I lied as Inuyasha appeared fully clothed.

"Up to your old tricks, Miroku?" he asked. I nodded and suddenly noticed something very odd on his face…He's jealous! I thought happily. He began to blush just as Kagome walked up with Shippo in her arms.

"Are we ready to go?" Kagome asked.

"I believe so." Sango answered stepping out from behind me fully clothed.

"Then away we go." Kagome said and we began on yet another journey. We walked for a few hours until Kagome stopped abruptly causing me to run into her and Sango to run into me.

"Something the matter, lady Kagome?" I asked her.

"Shards, a lot of them!" she replied. I already knew who it was, I could already feel Naraku's evil surrounding us. Kirara transformed and Inuyasha put a hand on the Tetsiega. He began to crouch to jump.

"Inuyasha, stop. Take me with you." I said grabbing his shoulder. He looked straight into my eyes, and instead of yelling at me he nodded and I climbed onto his back. He immediately jumped high into the air and over the trees. I was so caught up in being that close to him that I didn't notice when we stopped in front of Naraku. Inuyasha set me down gently and unsheathed his sword. I stood beside him with my staff in front of me. I won't use my hand this time. I will prove to Inuyasha that I am worthy to be his.

Chapter Three

_Secrets Revealed_

"Do either of you pay any attention to your surroundings at night?" Naraku asked.

"What?" I asked unprepared for what his reply would be.

"You heard me. I might let it pass for Inuyasha for he was asleep, but not you." He answered, his blue eyes stared out at me. "I was right under your nose and you had no idea. Sad."

"Why are you telling us this?" I asked stepping forward. He laughed knowingly.

"I wonder what dear little Sango would think if she found out what her monk's true feelings were." said Naraku, ignoring my question.

"What are you talking about, Naraku?" Inuyasha yelled. I then realized what he was planning.

"Hasn't the monk told you what he does all night while you're sleeping?" Naraku asked Inuyasha. Inuyasha tensed beside me. I suddenly lunged at Naraku and slammed my staff against his neck. I took no time to notice Inuyasha frozen with amazement. I went all out with all my strength. I tore the baboon skin apart to reveal the bloody and bruised Naraku. He swung at me hard and sent me to the ground. I saw a flash of red and silver. Inuyasha had sliced Naraku across the middle. His eyes flashed red and I closed my eyes to hide the vision of the man I love covered in Naraku's blood and lapping it up. After awhile Naraku's screams ceased and I slowly opened my eyes.

"Are you okay, Miroku?" Inuyasha was whispering in my ear. I turned and looked into his again-golden eyes.

"I believe so, Inuyasha." I replied. He gently pulled me up in front of him.

"You did well." He said softly.

"Did you kill him?" I asked trying to ignore his now bare chest and stomach.

"No. He got away again." He answered. I suddenly, with out thinking, leaned up and kissed him. He jumped slightly, but did not pull away. My hands moved up and into his soft hair. My tongue slid over his lips and he opened his mouth to me. I pressed the kiss deeper, our tongues battling gently. His hands slipped around my waist and pulled me closer. I felt both of our arousals touching. I couldn't hold back anymore. I pushed his hard and he fell to the ground.

"Mir.." He trailed off looking at me surprised.

"Hush." I ordered lowering myself so I was straddling his hips. I slowly slid my hips around causing us both to moan. He put his hands on my hips and began moving me. I lowered even more so our chests were together. I leaned down and licked the fur at the tip of his ear. He shook violently as I reached between us and began massaging his bulge. I began to leave a trail of kisses down his forehead and nose. I lingered on his lips then moved down to his chest. I licked slow figure-eights around his nipples.

"Stop…" Inuyasha whispered. I stopped with my tongue still on his soft skin.

"What?" I asked sadly.

"Stop...teasing me." He answered to my obvious pleasure. I squeezed him gently and he whimpered. I stopped for a moment to look at the joy on his face that I had created. I quickly undid his pants and kissed his thighs. I ran my clothed hand from his lips, down his chest, and over his rock-hard stomach to his navel which I carefully traced around. He barely lifted his hips so his bulge was pressed to my stomach. I complied to his silent demand and ran my left hand slowly down his length. He immediately bucked up hard.

"Do want to be mine, or me to be yours, Inuyasha?" I asked planting a kiss right above his manhood.

"B…be…mine, M…Mir…" he couldn't finish. He stared down at me with fierce eyes. I nodded and rolled over beside him on my stomach. I quickly undid my robes and lied naked before him. He sat up on his knees straddling my legs. He pulled my hips up and without any warning, he entered me. I began to scream, but he put his hand over my mouth. He left me then entered again until we both met release with earth shattering orgasms. He rolled over and pulled me to him and I felt his tongue on my neck then piercing pain as he sank his teeth deep into my skin. He lapped up the blood until it clotted.

"I knew…" he whispered in my ear.

"Huh?" I asked struggling to stay awake.

"I knew that you kiss me every night." He answered. I smiled and cuddled closer to him. But before I could sleep I had to ask one question.

"Why did you cover my mouth?" I asked.

"I didn't want anyone to know." He answered. I opened my eyes suddenly. That was not what I wanted to hear. I thought this would make it official. That we would tell everyone. I thought. I couldn't lie near him now. I stood up and got dressed. He was still asleep as I left into the woods away from him, and even farther from the others.

Chapter Four

_Newfound Pain_

I wandered through the forest for almost two days before I finally collapsed. I woke to a pair of familiar voices.

"Rin wants to…oh, what's that?" a girl's voice came to my ears.

"I believe he is dead, Rin." a deep male voice replied. I heard footsteps that ended beside me. I opened my eyes to a pair of familiar golden eyes. I jumped back. But as I looked up I saw that it wasn't Inuyasha at all, it was Sesshomaru.

"Isn't he your brother's friend?" the little girl asked kneeling at my side.

"Yes, Rin. Is your name Miroku?" he asked still staring straight into my eyes. I nodded numbly, "Hm, well, would you like a new friend, Rin?"

"Oh, yes!" she answered hugging me. Sesshomaru stood and began walking. Rin grabbed my hand and I stood. We walked for what felt like hours and just before I fell from exhaustion we came upon a huge palace beside a small clear lake.

"Go bathe, you're a mess. You too." he added to me and went to the palace while the girl ran me to the lake. She quickly undressed and dove into the water. I stood on the shore with my back to her. I guess this means I'm replacing Jaken. I thought. The Imp had been killed by Sango two days before.

"Sesshomaru-sama told you to bathe, you'll make him angry if you don't." Rin called from the water.

"I'll be fine, you just hurry." I replied.

After she washed she got out and dressed. I followed Rin up to the palace and walked into a dimly lit room.

"Come to Rin's room." She almost squealed and yet again I found myself following the child. She giggled gaily as we walked through the long hallways. We approached an open door and as we entered I saw the demon sitting calmly on a small futon I guessed belonged to Rin.

"Rin, leave." he said simply.

"But Sesshomaru-sama…" she whined, but the look on the Lord's face banished her.

"Do you know why you're here, monk?" he asked staring straight into my eyes.

"I assume to take Jaken's place." as I said this a small grin played on his face.

"Yes, but not just for Rin…" he replied standing. I took a step back afraid of the look on his face. Suddenly he was inches from my face. I fell back, but he caught my wrists painfully. I struggled, but there was no escape.

"Let go of me, Sesshomaru." I demanded calmly.

"No." he answered in a cold voice.

Chapter 5

_Help_

I lied on the cold floor in a pool of my own blood. Sesshomaru had taken what was beautiful and made it violent and ugly. He hadn't even allowed me to scream as he took what Inuyasha and I had shared that night and stomped on it. Then he had left me cold, alone, in pain, and covered in blood. He had torn my clothes in the battle so badly that there was no way of repairing them. I heard footsteps and crawled into the dark corner to hide just as Rin entered. She looked around then spotted the pool of blood and my shredded robes. She sighed then, "He did it to you too?" I jumped as she suddenly looked up at me. Her voice no longer sounded innocent, it was harsh and mature. I noticed in the moonlight that she looked more like a woman than a small girl. I hadn't noticed with her usual cheerful disposition, but she must have been almost 16 at the time.

"How did you…" I asked in voice raspy from forcing down screams.

"I really thought that he had finally been telling the truth…that you were merely a baby-sitter…" she said ignoring my question. In her nightgown I could see the finer details of her young and beautiful body. It was the first time I had ever felt the need to look harder to see a woman's nudity.

"Excuse me?" I was very confused now, and still in unbearable pain, but her perfect body still held my gaze. It was amazing, not like Sango's marred body or Kagome's undeveloped one, or even Inuyasha's.

"You are not the first man, or woman, to be taken by Sesshomaru. He is a horrible creature. The only reason he has spared me this long is because he is unaware of how developed I am, I hide it well as you have obviously noticed." she answered in a deep voice.

"Rin…" I didn't have any idea what to say to her.

"I want to help you escape." she said stepping closer to me.

"Did you help any of the others?" I asked.

"No."

"Then why…"

"Because you…because…," her eyes were suddenly wide and her silky voice had become clumsy, "I have…feelings for you…"

"You've just met me yesterday." I snapped. I was suddenly angry at the beautiful woman before me. She raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"I've seen you many times. You caught my eye one day when I was still quite young. I was picking flowers to put in the snake's hair. I saw you sitting in the grass alone. You were staring out into the sky as if it were telling you a story. I almost approached, but then Inuyasha appeared and at that time I was told to keep away from Inuyasha, that he would take my soul and use me against him, so I ran off, and ever since, I have been purposely running away from the palace and losing Jaken just to watch you sit quietly." She was smiling now, "And when I saw you lying in the woods, I was so worried, but I would have gladly taken your place, or even killed you then, myself, than have you go through what you have." She was now right before me, I noticed for the first time a wet rag in her hand. She leaned even closer and placed it upon the scratches on my shoulder.

"Thank you, Rin." I said simply.

"I will help you leave." she repeated. Then, I had the overwhelming urge to hold her. So, I did. She moved closer into my arms, careful of my bruises and cuts.

"I will take you with me." I said firmly.

"Are you sure?" she whispered in my ear.

"Absolutely." I replied and held her tighter.

Chapter Six

_Farewell_

Rin and I successfully escaped in the middle of the night, but we found that we had nowhere to go. We had been wandering for almost one day when we noticed smoke from a nearby fire. I took her hand and led her to the fire. Sitting there on the ground were Inuyasha and Kagome. They were kissing and Inuyasha's hands were all over her. No…

"Miroku?" I jumped high into the air. Sango was standing before Rin and I. Rin stepped behind me.

"Hello, Sango." I said calmly. She looked concerned as her eyes looked over my outfit that I had made with I sheet.

"Who is she?" asked Sango moving toward Rin. I pushed her behind me protectively.

"Someone I love." I answered. Rin was holding onto the back of my robes.

"Where have you been?" asked Sango, her voice now soft.

"Somewhere Naraku should be." I answered simply and began walking past her.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I honestly don't know." I answered. Then, Inuyasha stepped out from behind a tree.

"Why are you leaving?" he asked gently.

"I am no longer wanted here." I answered in a voice as cold as Sesshomaru's.

"Why do you say that? I thought…what about the other night? Why did you leave?" he asked.

"I mean nothing to you, Rin and I are going to start a new life." I snapped.

"What about Naraku?" asked Inuyasha hopelessly.

"I…don't…care…" I replied. Then I again took the beautiful Rin by the hand and left Inuyasha.

Chapter Seven

_Loss_

It had been three or four months before I had last seen Inuyasha. Rin and I were living happily in a small village and her stomach was getting very large and very round. Even though I knew my end would come soon, I was happy that Rin would have a little piece of me to raise.

"Miroku?"

"Yes, Rin?"

"Are you happy with me?" I turned to look into her eyes.

"Why do you ask this question?"

"I know that you loved Inuyasha, and I'm just not sure that it is the same when you and I make love." she said and trailed her long fingers over the bite mark on my neck.

"Of course I'm happy with you! True, it isn't the same as when Inuyasha and I were…together, but that doesn't make any less wonderful." I answered and pulled her to me.

"I want you to be happy, if he is who you love, go to him…" she whispered. Her eyes were sparkling with tears.

"Rin…I love you…not… I love you. I would never leave you." She nodded and fell asleep in my arms. The next morning I set out to find a village child that had been missing for a few days. When I returned, without the child, I found the village destroyed. I searched desperately through the wreckage of our home for Rin. Then after about an hour of searching I found her. She was covered in blood and her arm was twisted in a grotesque manner, but she was alive.

"Rin, I am here." I whispered.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" she asked in a scratchy voice.

"No, I'm fine, who did this?" I asked.

"Naraku."

"I'll kill him, I promise."

"No…it's my fault…"

"What are you…"

"I'm so sorry…"

"Rin, you didn't do this…"

"Yes, I killed him…"

"Who?"

"Your…"she closed her eyes and became limp in my arms. I shook her desperately knowing she was already gone. I didn't need to know what she was going to say, I already knew, she was apologizing for killing our son. She had blamed herself for leaving me alone. I stood with her still in my arms and began to walk slowly to the only place I could think of. When I came upon the clearing where the BoneEater's Well was placed I heard a voice.

"She's gone…for good." Inuyasha's voice was strained. Kagome must have finished the jewel. I thought sadly.

"I can't believe this…first Kikyo, the first person to except me, then Miroku, my only love, and now Kagome. Why do I do this to myself? I could have stopped this all! Especially Miroku…how did I let him get away? I loved him, but…I just…I didn't want Sesshomaru to know…if had ever hurt him…I'm alone now…the way it was meant to be I suppose…" his voice was drowned out by his own his own sobbing. I stepped from behind the tree…

Chapter Eight

Decisions

"Hello, Inuyasha." I said almost inaudibly. He jumped and turned around.

"Miroku." he whispered then he noticed Rin.

"Is she…was she your…" he began.

"Yes, Inuyasha, after you destroyed between us what could have been I walked through the woods until I collapsed. Sesshomaru and Rin found me," anger flashed over his face, "And after he took care of torturing me in the worst way, and by the way, I thought of how disappointed you would be with me the entire time, anyway, Rin saved me and we then found you and Kagome making love. After that it was obvious what your intentions were so Rin and I were wed and she was to bare my son. But I came home tonight to find her, along with my entire village, dead. And do you know what she asked me the night before? She asked if being with her felt as good as it had with you." I poured out more than I had planned. His face was white now.

"Miroku, I'm so sorry that she died, you never deserved to be hurt like that." His answer surprised me.

"And you don't want to apologize for anything else?" I asked coolly.

"No."

"WHAT?" now I was truly at my breaking point.

"I have done nothing wrong." His pride had come to the surface once more. He would be alone for rest of his life… and I would help with the inevitable process.

"Goodbye, Inuyasha. Forever. Bury my wife please." I set Rin softly on the ground.

"Huh?"

"Mark her grave plainly with your own blood and near the well so Kagome may see should she return. I'm going now, do not follow." I said plainly and walked right by him toward Naraku's location. I have but one thing to do before I end this life.

_Chapter Nine_

_Fulfillment_

I walked not long before I found a man lying half-dead in the path. I approached him and pulled him to my face by his clothes.

"Naraku?" I asked. He nodded slowly.

"Help…" he choked. I sneered and dropped him to the ground. I continued on the trail of blood the man had left. I walked continuously for two days until I found Naraku sitting calmly, and almost serenely by a stream.

"Naraku." I said calmly.

"Ready to fight, or are you still mourn…" I jumped on top of him and beat at him, but I was tired and hungry, he easily took me over before I knew it, he was above me pointing a sword to my stomach. He opened his mouth to speak, but he instead plunged the sword deep within me. My vision darkened, but I was still alive. Above me stood Inuyasha, he sliced Naraku with his nails, the Tetsiega was not with him and this time when Naraku's screams ended he was dead on the ground at Inuyasha's feet. He ran to me and scooped me in his arms.

"I'm sorry, I love you. I didn't do those thing out of spite, I did them because I was alone and Kagome was willing." he sobbed.

"Die…" I said coldly.

"What?" he asked eyes wide.

"Die…Inu…yasha. Die beside my wife's grave and stain it with your blood, that was what I asked of you when I left. My soul will not rest until I see you dead on her grave that is the only way her life will be honored. When she died she apologized that our son died too. I wish upon you that pain." I said and let death take me.

Epilogue

_Freedom_

As my soul rose from my body, I looked down to see Inuyasha holding me tightly, his lips upon mine, tears down his face. Bastard. I thought as he stood, still holding me. I followed him all the way back to he well. There was a spot of up-turned dirt close to the well. At the end of the grave was the Tetsiega plunged into the dirt. He kneeled by the grave and lied me down beside it. Then, he took out the sword and plunged it through the right side of his chest. He then wiped the blood off upon the grave of my wife, plunged the sword into the dirt again, and lied on the grave, eyes upon my body, he slowly bled and I stayed to watch. His blood slowly seeped into the mound that was Rin's grave and began to inch toward my body. He finally closed his eyes and his heavy breathing ceased. Rin, my wife, your death has been rewarded, live eternity with our son. I love you…

Complete 

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